allegraevenstar

2008-06-20T09:41:00.002-07:00

MOVED
allegraevenstar.livejournal.com

2008-06-20T02:51:00.000-07:00

My love for Sex and the City and Annie Leibovitz explains this blog post here.

2008-06-19T11:47:00.000-07:00

I miss school the most. School is awesome.

2008-06-18T12:06:00.000-07:00

I was channeling Hiawatha.

When I was young, my mom would read me this book called, " Young Hiawatha". Don't ask me now what the story is about because I vaguely remember. I always thought Hiawatha is a girl so recently I wikied Hiawatha and lo and behold, Hiawatha is a boy. I've been duped. Oh well, Hiawatha will always be a girl to me.

teevee

2008-06-12T08:22:00.000-07:00

NAD fat cat and Amalina the crazy.

Nadiah got into ScreenBox productions, must be earning alot now being a media person. As usual, when holidays come, Zin flies off to Dubai where her dad is staying. I WANT THOSE FALAFELS, ZIN! and while she's on the plane, I am where I'm usually at, on the couch watching some tv show.

Lets face it, Im a big tv show junkie. Honestly, I rather stay at home, spoiling my eyes looking at the bright laptop monitor than say, spoiling my liver somewhere partying. I know, I know, its boring. And yes, I might end up old and alone with 20 cats. I can't help it, its addictive The last time after I've watched all seven seasons of Gilmore girls (within two weeks, if I may add), I had withdrawal syndromes like extreme exhaustion. You know there's something wrong when you experience such a thing. Also, you obsess about certain characters. The last time I watched Gossip Girl, I was obsessed with Chuck, the-hot-homo. Then when i watched The L word, It was Shane, mind you shane's a she.

I guess I rather risk my 20/20 eyesight than having someone help me on my feet on some random road, drunk out of my skull. Yes, being a couch potato is unhealthy, but when I think about it, I still need my liver to help me process the huge amount of energy/sugary drinks I knock down everyday. The last time on my drunken stupor, I became a human projectile. I think Im over all that extensive partying, at least for now.

IVE WATCHED (in alphabetical order because I'm anal like that.)

Bones
Criminal Minds
Entourage
Gilmore girls
Gossip Girl
Grey's anatomy
Heroes
House MD
One tree hill
Scrubs
Sex and the City
The L Word
The OC
Ugly Betty
Weeds

2008-06-08T10:14:00.000-07:00

Long hours, minimum wage. Oh isn't life wonderful? Somehow I miss using a pen. I use the camera more often than the pen. I hate blue-inked pens for a reason. When I look at something being written in blue ink, the words seemed to be looking at me condescendingly. Black-inked words are friends, even capital letters. You've just wasted the last ten seconds of your life. I was just humoring myself.

This is getting pointless. This is getting pointless. This is getting pointless. Repeat that for another 20 times and it'll form a paragraph.

Im bored.

2008-05-30T10:47:00.000-07:00

Its always the case. Im always procrastinating and making up excuses so I dont have to do certain things. Even school work. I always think, " oh well, I always have another day." and the day i end up doing it is the day before submission or I dont even do it at all. The worst is over few weeks back. Assessment is evil and red bull helps if you go through three days with only two hours of sleep.

I have been reading more about photography techniques/ camera knowledge online and in magazines. I was amazed at how difficult it is to comprehend alone. I have to do this myself cause if I wait for the teachers in school to teach me properly, I'll be 40 by the time I master certain techniques. I have been scouting for unused areas I can use in my photoshoots. This time, I am gonna make something productive of my super long holiday. And Im looking for second hand mint condition Canon lenses. The only problem as usual is money. I dont think Im gonna use my savings for this so Im gonna put my minimum wage of being a coffee maker to good use.

But if all else fails, I guess I could start a "HELP FITRI BUY A LENSE FUND".

2008-05-24T11:31:00.000-07:00

This is untitled.

pic

2008-05-15T12:24:00.000-07:00

haiku

2008-05-15T11:51:00.000-07:00

Oh my hypocrite.
Round silky smoke rings enchant.
The itch, I must stop.

There you go, 5-7-5.

2008-05-07T15:02:00.000-07:00

Thats camwhoring not photography, stupid.

Whoa, two posts in one day. I have nothing much to say lately.
Something must be wrong with me.

___________________________

Typography: 20%
2D + color: 0%
Advertising: 40%
Digital art: 90%
Design drawing: 60%
Fundamentals of visual comm: 70%

shane II

2008-05-07T14:50:00.000-07:00

I love shane.

shane

2008-05-06T13:18:00.000-07:00

I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane. I love Shane.I love Shane. I love Shane.
I love Shane.

2008-04-24T08:49:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my parents, I got the Agnes. B bagpack.
Thank you.

HVA

2008-04-23T22:18:00.000-07:00

Shitload of photos from yesterday's history photoshoot. We were channelling(sp?) Cindy Sherman but as you can see, we failed.

Photographs are not to be used and reproduced without permission.

F I T R I F A R I N A P H O T O G R A P H Y

2008-04-22T08:12:00.000-07:00

My birthday is coming so let the annual birthday-wishlist-with-things-that-i-might-never-get begin!

1. Ray Ban Wayfarers. The white one please.

2. Skagen watch.

3. Agnes. B backpack

4. Tod's moccasins

5. Agyness Deyn and Jared Leto on a silver platter. Pretty please with cherries and chocolate syrup on top.

2008-04-20T11:47:00.000-07:00

I think the smell of hot glue and turpentine are getting to my head.
and the assessment induced stress too.
and the fact that assessment is in two weeks.
I'm already behind as it is.
wtfwtfwtf.

The lighthouse beam has just run out,
fitri.

2008-04-08T02:01:00.000-07:00

You rent about the same things all the time, ad nauseam.

Im exhausted. Im constantly trying to meet datelines which is almost impossible, looking at the amount of work to be done. Im lazing on the couch in the student freaking lounge thinking that something has to be done. Something has to happen. Something exciting, something wow. My lecturer said, "you see that blank canvas? thats you." I have to create my own serial drama. Im so dull that my canvas will be black, white and grey. I want excitement. I want life. I want freaking colours god dammit.

I feel like shitting.

If only I can shit all my anguish out. I'll be sitting on the toiletseat for sometime, thank you very much.
Make it happen. Please.

2008-04-06T05:23:00.000-07:00

I was inspired by Juno thus the toon character.
Sometimes I wish I can just cover my eyes with my nonexistent bangs.

hhhh

2008-04-05T07:23:00.000-07:00

Fun is swishing of hair.
Life is so monotonous that I have nothing interesting to say.
Except that Im eyeing the Agnes. B backpack I saw weeks ago.

2008-04-02T21:42:00.000-07:00

Im trying to find encouraging words to say.

But how can I find em when im stuck in class listening to a teacher who looks like a kungfu master droning on about history of photography?

How can I even take life seriously after this?

2008-03-28T05:31:00.000-07:00

On the steps I will always be known as the fat girl.
As usual, my insecurities will always plague me.

cardigan weather

2008-03-04T22:24:00.000-08:00

A mattress for a coffin suites you very fine.
You'll feel me with my others as you're sewn under the seams.

2008-02-27T06:29:00.000-08:00

Sidewalks, subways, simplicity.
Stop, comes the sweet glass bubble.
Halt, color transcends to black.
Eyes, see the world through glass.
Bleak, passing through bleakness.
And break. Little million.
Pieces.

-10 34pm, 27th Feb 2008

2008-02-27T04:55:00.000-08:00

I adore Juno.

2008-02-24T23:31:00.000-08:00

2008-02-23T05:14:00.000-08:00

I love school. I absofuckinglutely love sch. I love the stress. I love the bloodrush during presentations. I love creating. I love writing. I love being rejected by my teachers who have standards the heights of Kilimanjaro. I love the blood, sweat and tears I have to shed to finish one piece of artwork. I love the days I go without sleep because of assessments. I love breaking down due to overloaded assignments because it always gives me a clearer view of my goal, after. I love how my parents think im stupid because later on I can tell them to eat their words. That goes for the kids who thought the same too. I love how I have to eat rubbish food so that I can save my money for better equipment. I love that one day, I could look back and think that I did everything in my power to be successful.

How's that for passion, motherfucker?
Yes, Im that angry.

loathe

2008-02-20T06:27:00.000-08:00

I was thinking of doing a photoshoot with actual people on it. I feel like doing something productive with my camera and not some school assignment advertorial photos with fake watches on them. I want to something for myself and not only using my cam for school assignment but also take amazing photos to fill my portfolio. At the rate im going, i'll have nothing to put in my portfolio, I will have 20 cats in the future doing nothing but baking and reading Jane Austen on the freaking futon. I will have grey hair and wear curtains for clothes.

I already decided what theme i want for the photoshoot and who and where i want to photograph. I just need funding in forms of boho-coloured clothes and mac makeup. Anyone one up for it? :D

No man has the right to dictate what other men should perceive, create or produce, but all should be encouraged to reveal themselves, their perceptions and emotions, and to build confidence in the creative spirit.
-Ansel Adams

Note to self: Enough self loathing already.

virgin suicides

2008-02-19T06:31:00.000-08:00

I just finish watching some short story film thing on tv. Its amazingly sad, and you know, im known for not being sappy after watching films. Theres this pair of childhood friends. The little boy was very devoted towards the girl. Then one day, he abandoned her to be friends with some other people. She faced his new friends to win him back but unfortunately he chose them instead. On the day of their primary sch graduation, he gave her a letter containing his new address and an apology. She threw the letter on the ground and vow not to speak with him again. The latter part of the story brings her to the present day where she is a graphic designer. She finally found the address of her old friend. She found out that he had died and his father gave her the letter that she did not accept when they were young. Inside, with the address, there was a pink bracelet which she said that if a guy gives that to a girl, he wants to be more than friends. (insert scene where he went ard the estate to find the machine where you can get bracelet at one buck a pop -the one that gives you one turn.) But too bad, shes 10 years too late.

Now i feel like watching Virgin Monologues at the theater at school. Should I?

annnnnoyed.

2008-02-13T07:36:00.000-08:00

"Roses shall never represent the love I have for you as they will die one day,
but i shall represent the love,
'cause for as long as I live,
I will love you."
-Amir

Happy St. Valentines day.

gffd

2008-02-09T10:22:00.000-08:00

Amir sister gave birth a couple of weeks ago. Shes pretty adorable. I got her an Oshkosh Bgosh white onesie with red letterings for her welcome-to-the-earth present. Thats not the only exciting thing that had been happening lately. Nadiah fat cat got into something and im super happy for her. The infomation is classified though.

School has taught me to be on my toes, ALL THE TIME. Anything can spring up. Be it presentation or art works being ruined. Somehow im not ready. Ive seen the works done by the kids of my school. It makes me want to run for cover. Im average in this and i know it. Ive got classmates from ACS(I) and uses words like "exuberant" to describe their artworks. Im officially sick of my self-pity thing. Im done.

2008-01-31T08:42:00.000-08:00

Marc: I think I want to transfer to Fine Arts.

Me: NO! Whyyy?!

Marc: Do you like being stuck in class doing 40 sketches of squares and circles?

Me: Hell no! Stupid thumbnails.

Marc: Thennn???!! I think it'll be better in Fine Arts but i might not have a job after.

Me: Become a curator ahhh. Or lecturer.

Marc: I dont mind teaching but...

darn

2008-01-29T10:27:00.000-08:00

Happy third anniversary, silly.

shit

2008-01-27T07:03:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling very anti-men right now. Or shall I call them boys. They are cutesy little wood-land creatures who bites you but yet you still love them. They are what they call themselves "men", who fishes, camps and braves the storm to get what they want. They can squeeze out of those little tight spots like cockroaches. They have egos the size of jupiter, telling their woman that they are strong and almighty. They make certain girls weak in the knees. They would cross the atlantic ocean for the girl they love but yet can still dump them like hot potatoes when its time. They find you in that moment of weakness and sweep you off your feet.

I am what i call semi-feminist. I can take care myself and I dont need them to support myself finacially, However, its nice sometimes to be taken care of and being lavished at, to know that im worth it. Im not talking about extravagant stuff. Little little things like picnic at the park handled by the-other-person would be so much appreciated by me. What about extra special days like anniversaries? Do I sit down at let him handle it knowing that he's doing nothing about it or should I take over and plan it and feel like Im the only person in the relationship who cares about this shit?

lala

2008-01-26T07:52:00.000-08:00

This new internet connection is killing me. It is, literally. A minute its kinda fast, another, you have to wait five minutes for the page to load. And the connection can drop unexpectedly. Like now, i cant even connect to blogger.com. ITS HORRIBLE. It takes 89263854823945 minutes to load a photo. I CANNOT LIVE LIKE THIS.

40 sketches almost done. Just 30 to go. And let me remind you, thats only one module. Some, i have to research online. THIS IS KILLING ME. I have to channel all my rage to something else.

How do I explain the picture above? Im supposed to explain the pictures I took last week, on monday.
Somehow looking through the pictures I have taken, it upsets me. I see people in school taking fantastic photos. All I can manage is a few measly pictures of the sky, some lightings and milo cans. It depresses me. I want to do better. Compared to some kids at school, my pictures are amateur-ish. This is horrible. I cant let a few people bring me down. No, I cant.

2008-01-18T09:38:00.000-08:00

Lately i have been getting peace of mind in the most unlikeliest(sp?) places. Take the toilet for one. I mean its so quiet, I can hear myself breathing. I gotten loads of stupid albeit amazing inspiration in here, my little pothole. Its a sort of catharsis for me i guess. Sometimes the places ive been around gets so noisy i cant even hear myself thinking.

Sometimes i dont bother to blog. I mean, who reads it? Who listens to the aimless ramblings and whining of a girl who cant even think straight? Partly, im wasting my time when i could be doing my typo homework or trying to save my world. Another, this dumb blog gave me an outlet to rant, whine, ramble.

I need to create a cartoon character based on me for illustration class. I think two circles, a mop of lines on the top circle, a dot for a nose and the word denial stamped on the forehead would do it. Now, I just look like the worlds stupidest snowman.

bag

2008-01-17T06:24:00.000-08:00

I have to keep a journal for one of my modules. Phyllis, my lecturer, said the journal was for times when an idea strikes, we were supposed to write it in there. Its also for us to write down the answer for the random question she'll throw at us during class. Its pretty cool, thinking on your toes, giving opinions and such. She asked the other day, "Why Visual Comm?" It got me thinking. I wanted to do fashion initially, but looking at the market, VC would be more worth it.

I bough this pair of oversized granny spectacles. I got it for dirt cheap. One purple and the other reddish-brown.
I look like a nerd. HA
Pat is in my history class. YAY!
The scarf looks great with my bag. :D
Bye now.

2008-01-16T06:02:00.000-08:00

School is horrible.
School is horrible.
School is horrible.

The workload overload. I have fundamental visual studies on mondays. I see this as potentially draining for me cause i'll still have to do 3Dmodels which im not good at at all. I came late on tuesday morning but practically melted when i came to class. The teacher is GORGEOUS. His red lips. His tanned skin. I was staring at his lips the whole time he talked. I cant remember anything now. Flawless model worthy face. But get this, he's gay. BUMMER! Typography class later part of the day. Shes pretty sarcastic. Its funny if youre not the person she intends to be sarcastic to. Advertising was a huge letdown but i enjoyed certain parts of it. History of viual arts is gonna be draining. I dont need to know more about Baroque period or the difference between Monet and Manet.

My class is... just... different. I was the only one from L. No other VCers from my class. No familar faces like Marc and Tanat.B. Thank god for Rebecca though, she is pretty nice. I cant get along with most of the other kids, too competitive. No druggie Clare who is in fine arts. With her lung infection and being unable to smoke for three weeks, she looks healthy, at least, healthier than usual. No more James and his 400 bucks jeans. No Zin and her big butt.

Open house on either the 30 or 31 to second feb. They had Joaqim's face on the posters. Cheap publicity.
Okay bye now.

2008-01-06T12:24:00.000-08:00

I bought a new bag for next sem.
I cant get enough of bags.
This time, black Longchamp Le Pliage bag.
My wallet is groaning now.
I got LV keypouch thing for dads bithday last dec.
Shared with dumb&dumber of course Couldnt afford it otherwise.
Thanks for the vintage miu miu wallet, Nix.

Splurge. Oh the splurges.

2007-12-31T12:58:00.000-08:00

Happy new year everyone.
To some people, new year is the time where everything starts fresh, but for me, its when everything ends. I have nothing much to look forward to, nothing much to do, just nothing much actually. Everything is pretty much the same albeit the year. Sometimes, I dont understand what the hype is. As much as I love new beginnings, I hate endings, be it a novel, a movie, a show, a drawing. Hey, most of the time im contented with what I have but occasionally, I have flashes of jealousy and rage. When these flashes comes, I always ask, "Why me?" I didnt make any resolutions. I know i will break 'em. Maybe I want to work for 3.5 GPA. Maybe. Oh well. I had a pretty great new year today. Watched CT's gig at The Cannary, Clarke Quay, Pretty awesome soul band. St James was packed so we decided to not go in the last seconds.

A: Why would he say that?
Me: I dont know.
A: Its the new year.
Me: He has double standards I guess.
A: Oh.

Im turning into a tv show junkie. Ive watched so many episodes of so many season of so many shows. Im at season 4 for Gilmore Girls. Three seasons to go. Im at season one for Private Practice. Im waiting for One tree hill new season to start. Season one for Gossip Girls. Watching current episode airing in US for Grey's anatomy. I want to start watching The OC but i only liked the first season. Im using my holiday to pig around and bake cupcakes. But as usual, as the season ends, I'll be bummed out.

Goodbye and have a nice new year.

song

2007-12-30T11:38:00.000-08:00

I was listening to The Cranberries live with Fergal Lawler on drums and i feel... dont know... powerful? The song, Zombie, is awesome especially when Dolores played the riffs and when her voice got an octave-lower-suddenly-thing. Then I downloaded the song Changes by Kelly and Ozzy Osbourne. Its really sweet, my feel-good song. I find Kelly really gorgeous in the video. Try watching the video, its really sad. Powerful songs indeed.

man

2007-12-28T06:52:00.000-08:00

As of 1053pm, I have a new song obsession.
The man who sold the world by David Bowie.

rasp

2007-12-26T15:46:00.000-08:00

Today, Raspberry chocolate with cream cheese frosting.

cupcakes

2007-12-26T14:43:00.000-08:00

Ive been baking a lot. Which is a little unusual for me.
Baked chocolate mint and pure chocolate cupcakes yesterday.

Chocolate batter with either a piece of cadbury mint choc or milk choc. Topped with purple icing and pink gummy hearts.

jared

2007-12-19T15:56:00.000-08:00

I lovelovelove Jared Leto.

Oh and Shida, dinner please. (:
youre missed.
my phone is failing me.

shutit

2007-12-10T11:28:00.002-08:00

One of the photographs I submitted for assessment.

Im saying this because Im a friend. Im saying this because its destroying who you are. Im saying this because I care. Im saying this here because if I tell you straight to your face, you are not gonna like it.

Sometimes I dont know what youre trying to do. I made up excuses for you but Im done doing it. Im disappointed that you think living frivolously is super cool and super fun. Im disappointed that youre using your time clubbling and not paying attention to everything else. I want you to do well. You're partying so much sometimes it irks me. I know for now clubbling is not my thing. You werent like this before. Dont give me all that bull saying youve changed. I know I do things that I shouldnt too. Im not saying that you should not do it, all the partying and stuff. Do it, but take it a notch down. Cheating is not cool, take it from me, I know. Never ever ever do that, cheating I mean. So screw me, I believe in monogamy. Im sorry, why am I the one apologising?, but you disappoint me. If only... If only I could grab you by the neck and pull you back down to earth.

JFK

2007-12-04T06:01:00.000-08:00

ENOUGH NAME DROPPING ALREADY!

andy warhol-esque

2007-12-03T09:23:00.000-08:00

Andy Warhol-esque

This blog thing is pretty much dead. Thats how I prefer to think about it. I dont even post that much anymore.

I know what to get for dad. Finally.
And I agreed to help FatCat on her project thing for her final year mass comm filming thing.
Psyched.

hahaha

2007-12-02T09:47:00.000-08:00

"He didn't unbutton your blouse to see.
A better view of your heart.
Oh yeah, can't blame you for trying."

-"Roses" Meg&Dia

gossipgirl

2007-12-02T06:04:00.000-08:00

Finally im feeling more relaxed than ever. Exams were over two weeks ago. I did half horribly but the rest should be fine. I screwed photography though. The pictures I developed turned out to be super 8R and couldnt fit my foam board. I specifically told the person to develop it in 8R though.

Holidays just started and i couldnt feel more happy. I finally have time to eat properly, not that i need the carbs. HEH!

Gossip Girl is awesome so far. The characters were a let down though. Esp Jenny. WHERE'S THE DOUBLE Ds??? I was looking foward to how much the show relates to the book. I find chuck bass hot underneath the bad boy aura.

My dad just got me a macbook. (thanks dad) and i honestly have no idea what to buy for his birthday. He has a watch that costs more than my cam, my laptop, my ipod, and everything i own combined. Any ideas?

YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME.
XOXO (haha. okay, screw me, i copied gossipgirl.)

lo and be hold

2007-11-14T04:51:00.000-08:00

Like they say, Pictures speaks a thousand words. Enjoy.
LINKIN PARK LIVE CONCERT 2007

The aftermath of the gig and the euphoria of getting Phoenix's used guitar pick.

i love my steaks rare

2007-10-02T08:43:00.000-07:00

My 3d fyp concept got rejected, AGAIN. Annoyed. Whats wrong with victorian/venetian/anna sui/light instillation window display? Sabrina-the-devil-lecturer asked whats the objective of the display, I replied, "Art appreciation". I honestly dont know what else to say. I guess im gonna stick to my light instillation concept.

I love my china doll thing i did with my friends old vogue mag. My classmates told me it looks like a geisha but i beg to differ. It does look sorta china, like one of my classmate. Some class thing I had to do for design process. Joseph-the-idontlikesuicideconcept-lecturer said it was one of the best. Its enough to make me walk on air for a few days.

oh i got blue paint on my coach wallet. and... i couldnt get it off. *^&@^#(*&%$

sonia

2007-09-14T10:26:00.000-07:00

This is what i got from Sonia's lj.

"Fitri: I'm not jealous, I'm just bitter.
Nadiah: Why are you bitter?
Fitri: Because I had a sad deprived childhood. I was always alone.
Sonia: I was always alone too!
Nadiah: Yeah and Sonia's not bitter, she's so nice and happy!
Fitri: She's nice but she's not happy.
Sonia: How do you know?!
Fitri: I can see it.

"How do you cure bitterness?" I asked Nadiah when Fitri went behind. I feel bad that she feels bitter. I might not be happy but I'm not bitter. Actually, I think I am quite happy. Or maybe Fitri's right and I'm not but what's happiness? Is anyone ever truly happy? I think happiness might come from contentment. It might also come from a lot of other things. It's funny that Fitri said that because I was just thinking today that life is good."

I love Sonia.

2007-09-13T10:36:00.000-07:00

The worst is over. Assessment is over. At least for now. I hate train rides sometimes. A few days ago, very early in the morning, on the way to school, some kids were reciting the alphabets on top of their lungs. I was already grumpy because i only had an hour of sleep, whats more with those kids sounding so freaking perky in the morning. All I wanted to do was to throw my horrible looking 3D structure in their faces. I bet a few people shared the same sentiment as me too. I know its mean but tell me how pissed off will you get when you stayed up doing stuff which ended up looking so horrible and when you all you wanted was some peace and quiet in the train, some kids spoiled that one moment of rest for you.

Yes, im a no talent, one hit wonder girl.
Whatever you say.

2007-09-09T10:17:00.000-07:00

Im exhausted beyond belief.

way away

2007-08-20T05:28:00.000-07:00

Amazing. Really amazing.
And to tell that im really clueless about it.

Funny, when you know things cant get any tougher, it does.
Im super proud of my work at times cause really, after ten years of my parents stifling whatever I do, I finally broke free. Maybe its wrong. Maybe I should believe like what my parents say, that I'm simply not good at anything, and be in planet "Look-at-me,im-smart" like my sister.

Why cant i like my stuff? Its all new and awesome to me. I have got a lot to learn and maybe saying about it is wrong. Just maybe... Its amazing when you have friends whom you can share many things with. Like how I didnt know that clare reads sylvia plath. Or how marc taught me stuff about photography since he was from tp and is really good with cameras.

Funny, that some people only see whats here. Like I said, Im usually devoid of any feelings. I have tons of stuff i have to do and still, despite all my usual laughing antics, Im still coping with the death of my grandfather whom I was really close to. I still have time to stay with my grandmother because everyone is so busy and shes not stable yet. I still have to go to work, do my school stuff and take care of things when shit happens. So tell me, what is adulthood?

All of this does not matter.
I'll get scrutinised again anyway.

d

2007-08-10T09:14:00.000-07:00

My work from figure drawing and ceramics class.

jsljs

2007-08-06T20:16:00.000-07:00

I hate the emotional roller coaster that i've been having this week.
I can be super happy at one time and feel like I want to drown on the other. Apart from the piles of sketches, concepts and structures that i have to do, I had to tolerate my own inner demons. Its just hard to cry nowadays.

I had photog class today. Super fun. Poor, little, sad, Fitri. My new love is my DSLR cam and my ipod vid.

fisheye

2007-07-27T21:47:00.000-07:00

"You can do better.
You can do better than that."

Damn those people with positive ramblings.
Damn those people for making me feel hopeful.
Damn those people for making me doubt myself.
Just... damn.

2007-07-23T07:22:00.000-07:00

Oh and yeah...

Harry Potter and the DH was good as hell.
14 hours of reading on the 21st.
AWESOME! I LOVE IT! LOVELOVELOVE.

2007-07-23T07:05:00.000-07:00

School was awesome.
Totally and utterly awesome.

nafa

2007-07-20T10:02:00.000-07:00

Bitching takes on to another whole new level when you're in an arts school.
Face piercing is a norm.
and so is red highlights.

dynsigner

2007-07-14T11:08:00.000-07:00

Why cant it get into your head? Stop selling yourself short. Stop trying to get into his pants. Stop creating a bad reputation for yourself. Just stop. Start by finding something else to thrill you. Oh and yeah, stop dressing as if your house caught fire and the only thing left for you to wear is your curtains.

Lather, rinse and repeat.

Credits for the picture goes to Dynsigner, my favourite NAFA-student photograper. He captures excellent photos of waterscapes, places you will never expect, colors and people. The photo is of the new Yishun jetty thing near Khatib mrt.

aeiou

2007-07-13T10:06:00.000-07:00

I woke up abruptly today because of the loud hammerings from my room cause some hdb repairman came to fix the leak of almost one month on the ceilings. The water dripping from the ceiling could be rain water and i dont want to imagine what else it could be. I guess thats the cons of living on the last floor. I had to sleep in my sisters room which has a high suckage level cause at 6am in the morning, my sisters's alarm clock will ring and you'll find her foot on my face. Honestly my sisters sleep like pigs with a hangover and that is an understatement. So with her alarm clock wailing like mad, its hard for me to sleep. I had to nudge her with my arms hard and then she woke up and threw tantrums around. It was fun. Not.

Met Steve, G, Amir and Shida at Starbucks. Had caramel waffles AGAIN. Those stuff is seriously sinful.

Working tomorrow. I cant wait for Nadiahhh's frozen dunkins.
Im craving fizzy Itallian sodas. :D

caramel waffles

2007-07-11T09:00:00.001-07:00

Im psyched about tomorrow. Shida got us good seats for the Harry Potter movie on the opening day cause she booked it a few weeks before. I think for tomorrow, i want ben&jerrys, those takoyaki balls and Starbucks new caramel waffles. Im in love with those waffles. Think thin wafer like soft waffles(if you heat it on top of you coffee) with caramel and cinnamon in the center. Orgasmic.

love

2007-07-05T09:51:00.000-07:00

Why?
I loved you.
I loved you so much.

ken

2007-07-05T09:08:00.000-07:00

Why would Ken be with Skipper if he could be with Barbie?

It has been 3842367269428 years since I wrote a long proper entry. Its not as if I don't have a lot to say. Somehow, I don't think people would want to know how boring my daily routines are and usually, my thoughts offend people. Right now, my thoughts are relayed through the photographs that I took or found, though not many. Term is starting at the end of the month. Somehow I'm afraid. Actually I'm afraid of many things right now. But most of all I fear the unknown.

Unknown. Things that happen without your knowing and when you get to know about it from so many people, you don't know what to believe. Like being in a maze, where you don't know where to start. Like being so lost, instead of finding your way out, you just sit down and cry cause your mind has somewhat disable itself on its own. And worst of all, when you got through the maze, you will see something so disappointing that will bring you back to square one.

ljjgu

2007-06-28T11:56:00.000-07:00

When you look with your eyes
Everything seems nice
But if you look twice
you can see it's all lies

lalalalalalala

2007-06-23T10:41:00.000-07:00

My super long holiday is almost over. After seven months of self-indulging debauchery, im gonna have to go back to school. A school where everyone is good at what i do best in. Talk about pressure. The best thing is that i have a reason to spend for back to school stuff. Kudos for me.

And Paris is getting out of jail soon. HAH!

sb is love

2007-06-18T08:07:00.000-07:00

I love them.
Starbucks northpoint partners.

nuuuu

2007-06-17T05:44:00.000-07:00

Attachment at airport tomorrow.
Noooooo!

mod

2007-06-14T10:25:00.000-07:00

I love Mod and Twiggy.
Lovelovelove.

Now, where's my Starbucks mousepad?

fitri

2007-06-09T13:28:00.000-07:00

My azuki frappuccino board.
I took 2 hours to finish.

online shopping

2007-06-09T13:09:00.000-07:00

Item 1
Name: Modern Approach Cradle Bra
URL: http://www.lasenza.com/eng/categorysearch/redirect.cfm?sectionID=b2c/style/productDetails.cfm&itemID=30142-0159&var=d&itemCategoryLevel1=100&getC=151

Item 2
Name:Hand Cream and Lip Gloss Charm
URL: http://www.lasenza.com/eng/categorySearch/redirect.cfm?sectionID=b2c/style/productDetails.cfm&itemID=30748-0187&var=d&itemCategoryLevel1=108

Item 3
Name: V Neck Tunic
URL:http://www.lasenza.com/eng/categorySearch/redirect.cfm?sectionID=b2c/style/productDetails.cfm&itemID=135101-006&var=d&itemCategoryLevel1=108
Colour: Pink Pebble

A very bad case of online shopping.

Tanzania

2007-06-04T09:55:00.000-07:00

The shortlegged elephant I named Tanzie.
The Tanzania coffee of the week board I drew.
I cant get over the shortness of the legs. HA!

lie

2007-06-01T11:03:00.000-07:00

What is it in a lie?
A lie so great, it destroys.
A lie so difficult, it hurts.
A lie, manifesting wonders.
A lie, deluding a mind.
A lie, to save a life.
A lie, to feel good.
A lie, though painful.
A lie, to keep from feeling sad.
Or a lie, to lie myself?
A lie, a parody of my life.

-5.41am, mine.

sad.

2007-05-29T09:03:00.000-07:00

Life has been a whirlwind of work, sleep, drawing, early morning photoshoots and a regular dose of puking.
I love drawing but ironically, I am not looking forward to school. Honest.

Lately, Linkin Park’s "Bleed it out" has been accompanying me to work.
That is the only song which remotely sounds like them.

sad.

sunsets

2007-05-22T10:57:00.000-07:00

Now, tell me.
Why is it all about sunsets?

sunrise

2007-05-20T08:58:00.000-07:00

6.41 am

When day breaks,
A burst of orange through the wakes .
A slight breeze through my hair,
Like a whisper from the lair,
The birds chirp a song of hope,
Giving strength for us to cope,
As fast as lightning it goes away,
Not even a minute or a second more it stays,
Blow the candle,
Stop the clock,
All I want is a little walk.

-mine, 20th May 2007

virus

2007-05-19T13:19:00.000-07:00

The minute i woke up i felt achy all over. I didnt know that ive got a flu till late evening, i figured out that my sinus usually doesnt last this long; maybe an hour after wake. Hung out with the people at StarbucksAirport (saw Zaq btw). They got bored at home and they dragged me, drugged by flupillsthingamajig, out. I was looking at people checking in their stuff and wondered where they are heading. Maybe somewhere beachy like Hawaii? I would LOVE to travel overseas now when schoolkids are still schooling, less hassle that way. The last holiday was too mellow, even for me.

Im tired of my holiday. I mean 6 months of holiday, come on, i want school to start already. Many people would LOVE to be in my shoes. Yeah, maybe for awhile it was a fun&all but whoa, im so over it. Just wait, another half a year of school and i'll be crying for a holiday. Typical.
I like the location of my school. Hoohoo... bugis. Theres like arabst, bugis village... blah blah. The only bad thing is the 10mins brisk walk to school. Imagine if its raining, i'll be soaked. I need to rest, the fluvirus is clouding my head. Just kill me already.

toodoo.

2007-05-16T08:32:00.000-07:00

There's truth in your lies,
Doubt in your faith.
What you build you lay to waste.
There's truth in your lies,
Doubt in your faith.
All I've got's what you didn't take.

My favourite Minutes to Midnight song so far, In Pieces.

Random things ive done frm this list is in bold
smoked a cigarette
done weed
kissed a member of the same sex
drank alcohol
been in love
been dumped
shoplifted
been fired
been in a fist fight
had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
been arrested
made out with a stranger
gone out on a blind date
had a crush on an older person
skipped school
slept with a co-worker
seen someone/something die
had/have a crush on one of your friends
been to Paris
been to Spain
been on a plane
thrown up from drinking
eaten Sushi
been snowboarding
met someone BECAUSE of friendster
been mosh pitting
been in an abusive relationship
taken pain killers
love/like someone right now
laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
made a snow angel
had a tea party
flown a kite
built a sand castle
gone puddle jumping
played dress up
jumped into a pile of leaves
gone sledding
cheated while playing a game
been lonely
fallen asleep at work/school
used a fake/someone else's ID
watched the sun set
felt an earthquake
killed a snake
been tickled
been robbed/vandalized
robbed someone
been misunderstood
pet a reindeer
won a contest
been suspended from school
had detention
been in a car/motorcycle accident
had/have braces
eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
had deja vu
danced in the moonlight
hated the way you look
witnessed a crime
pole danced
questioned your heart
been obsessed with post-it notes
squished barefoot through the mud
been lost
been to the opposite side of the world
swam in the ocean
felt like you were dying
cried yourself to sleep
played cops and robbers
recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
sang karaoke
paid for a meal with only coins
done something you told yourselfyou wouldn't
made prank phone calls
laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
kissed in the rain
written a letter to Santa Clause
been kissed under a mistletoe
watched the sun set with someone you care/cared about
blown bubbles
made a bonfire on the beach
crashed a party
have traveled more than 5 dayswith a car full of people
gone roller skating/ blading
had a wish come true
humped a monkey
worn pearls
jumped off a bridge
screamed "penis" at a sport game.
swimming with dolphins
got your tongue stuck to a
pole/freezer/ice cube
kissed a fish
worn the opposite sex clothes
sat on a roof top
screamed at the top of your lungs
can do a one-handed cartwheel
talked on the phone for more than 3 hours
stayed up all night
picked and ate an apple right offthe tree
climbed a tree
had/been in a tree house
aren't scared to watch scary moviesalone
believe in ghosts
have/had more than 20 pairs of shoes
gone streaking
been in jail

Emo dan

2007-05-16T07:07:00.000-07:00

I think i just died and went to heaven.

all's fair in love and war

2007-05-14T23:03:00.000-07:00

All's fair in love and war.

mommy

2007-05-13T09:35:00.000-07:00

Book of the moment
One of my two all time favourite author.
I've read almost all of her books.
Excellent i say.

I watched Spiderman3. Like, finally.
All in all, it was sad, really.
Vivo GVmax is really huge.

I bought mom a Starbucks flask for 40bucks.
Happy Mommy Day, mom(:

read

2007-05-12T10:20:00.000-07:00

All i want to do is curl up and read a book plus a glass of milk.
I dont even have time to do that.
But i do read at least two hours a day. Honestly.
I can finish a novel within a day.
I devour them like cookies.
Yes, Im crazy like that.

I read Harry Potter book5 when i was in sec 2or3, within 3 days.
I was having my end of year exams.
I know I know.

I remembered my mom confiscated my HP book 4 when i did my PSLE.
But no matter, i found it on top of the fridge
and i continued reading anyway.

head full of anger.

2007-05-12T07:43:00.000-07:00

A Simple Child,
That lightly draws its breath,
And feels its life in every limb,
What should it know of death?

-William Wordsworth

swweet

2007-05-11T12:30:00.000-07:00

Blog surfing is fun and all but sometimes it gets irritating when they use big bombastic words. And its not one but two in a sentence. The funny thing is, i dont even know this person but i got a rough idea on how that person would talk. Reading her entry is like swimming through cream base frappuccino mix. Seriously. I also got peeved at her heavy mascared, thick eyeliner, rock to death, heavymetal-like dressing. And guess what her music genre of choice is? INDIE. HAHAHA. I thought indie is more laidback kinda angrygirlmusic kinda thing. Sorry if i got that wrong. But really, why would you define your dressing by the kind of songs you listen to? To rebel? Really, theres nothing much to rebel about these days. Some people scramble to find the kind of band people never heard about just to prove that they are not mainstream but instead, "underground". People would say, " Eeee Fitri, you listen to Linkin Park. SO OVERRATED!" But to me it is about staying loyal to the band i love instead of doing a socalled-indie-minah and ditching the band i love just because they got richer.

And the dressing, i just cannot get over it. I've gotten over my goth-teenage-phase about 3 years ago but only now they commercialised this bullshit. Ive seen a real goth group congregating on the steps of an old building in UK and i can confidently say that if they see our so called goth here, they will laugh. Get it? Goths just dont laugh(:

and ive got a feeling im gonna get scrutinized over this post.

Just to put it in my face.

2007-05-09T05:58:00.000-07:00

I fell in love with rainbows.
I fell in love with the moon setting in the bluest sky.

No doubt, it will be my inspiration.

Store chalet, played mahjong till 6am, night cycling.
Seafood bbq, big breakfast, yummy suppers.
Cold rooms, burning smell, chilling feel.
It was fun.
Thankyou.

The photo is of NAFA's library balcony btw.

post

2007-05-05T02:38:00.000-07:00

Ive got nothing to blog about.
For real.

Die whorep2

2007-05-03T05:29:00.000-07:00

"If you prick us, do we not bleed,
If you tickle us, do we not laugh,
If you poison us, do we not die,
If you wrong us, shall we not revenge?"

- William Shakespeare

bright&shiny

2007-05-02T10:17:00.000-07:00

Bugis, Arab st-ing and Orcharding.
Amir, Shida and Fitri.
Mos, Gelare and almost got caught in Spideys web.
Crown hotel starbucks, 5pumps caramel latte and 6pumps vanilla soy caramel macchiato.

Yes, bright and shiny. Im feeling bright and shiny.

2007-05-01T01:55:00.000-07:00

stolidity

2007-04-30T23:57:00.000-07:00

On to a lighter note.
Chalet this weekend. 4 days and counting.

I love my really awesome friends.
Shida, stevo&gang, erika, june, amirman, sue and a few others ive forgotten.
and i love my double tall raspberry caramel macchiato.

Retail therapy with Shido and myself yesterday was fun.
At last didnt buy the coach wallet cause they dont have to pear coloured ones.
BOO HOO. So to replace that i bought a few topshop stuff.
Even more fun if only im not fat. HAHA.

All my entries could be condemned but spare me the misery of typing a para just to prove my point. toot toot.

wooot

2007-04-30T09:53:00.000-07:00

No offence taken Sharbana.

Im not brooding, or am i stuck in the past. I wasnt naming names and that entry wasnt even directed to you or your friends. Why are you guilty? So if you decided to be defensive, then let that be it. Honestly, im trying to be matured about it. Or otherwise i could shoot my mouth off but i chose not to. And proving that i could try to make my relationship last has nothing got to do with love or anything associated with it. So given an example, say you tried very hard to get a grade to convey that you can do it, and not because youre smart. Im trying to say that i can do it despite people's objection to it. Im trying not to take offence but it is really difficult with the language you used. Spitting? More like ive got a better bargain. Like how in supermarkets overseas; you can get the product cheaper when its dent or such, ive got it better. Rusty you say? More like rough around the edges but definitely shiny to me. And let me remind you that you once brought the rusty object for a test drive. So how many miles did it go?

Screw me for my language relaying inadequacy.

Attention service public

2007-04-29T06:31:00.000-07:00

Look what i got in the mail!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FITRI!

what ive done

2007-04-26T10:38:00.000-07:00

In this farewell
there's no blood
there's no alibi
'cause i’ve drawn regret
for the truth
of a thousand lies

so let mercy come
and wash away
what i’ve done.

green apron rhapsody

2007-04-24T09:29:00.000-07:00

Green apron rhapsody.

Work was, i dare say...pleasant?
I mean really, it was a brain numbing, tongue twisting, head banging affair. My frappucinos are coming along fine. My whipped creams are falling flat. Guess i have a hate hate affair with whipped creams. And if im lucky, I would be able to avoid some work politics. Store chalet next week! WOOT!

Two years plus ago, people were saying, i give Fitri and Amir three months, after that they will be history. And GOD i feel good for proving them wrong. I feel good seeing that they are alone, trying to reach for the shiniest product on the highest shelf. Im not mean, Im just pretty angry.

HAHAHA.
MY APRON GOT POCKETS!
I know amir is laughing.

But nevermind, i sayang you amir(:

hellogoodbye

2007-04-17T21:36:00.000-07:00

Fire escape symphony
Passion and silence,
Every word, every time, a measure,
It's the science of the soul,
And his books, they breathe a reason and now I want to know.

Sophia

2007-04-17T08:51:00.000-07:00

Listening to Sophia by Nerina Pallot
Mood Tired+contented+hungry

Yay. Im a starbuck-er.
Class tomorrow.
Im living my life(:

hfdsd

2007-04-15T11:42:00.000-07:00

I look through the world with rose-tinted glasses.
It sure made my path seemed brighter even when theres nothing to be rosy about.

I ballsack The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.